Book Review: "Push" by Sapphire

If you can't see the trailer above, click here.

PUSH by Sapphire

PUSH is a modern day The Color Purple (in fact the The Color Purple is referenced quite often in the book). Taking place in the 80s, it is the story of Clarice “Precious” Jones- a teen age, dark skinned African American girl. Precious, at 16, is also completely illiterate- as the NYC school system and her parents have both completely failed her- and the book is written from that perspective. It is written as if it were written by someone who never learned to properly read or write.

The premise is Precious’ triumph over extreme poverty, abuse, self hate, and dysfunction in order to learn to love herself and end the cycle. I won’t reveal too much information about the plot as this book has been turned into a major motion picture (see trailer above); however, I can tell by viewing the trailer that some elements from the book have been changed. I will say that PUSH can be at times a challenge to read and there are many elements that will outright disturb you. Even so, you'll most likely be able to finish it it 3-4 days.

The book deals with many issues and constructs common in the AA community:

-Absentee fathers

-Teen pregnancy

-Parental abuse and extreme dysfunction

-Obesity

-Idealized images and beauty standards

-Sexuality

-Self love and hate

-Colorism. Yes even colorism. The fact that Sapphire is so upfront and honest about the issue of colorism and how it affects young black girls truly endeared me to this book. Let’s see if Hollywood will be brave enough to really explore this issue in the film.

I am now curious to see the film and see how Hollywood treats this story. This film is slate for release in November 2009.

Money Quote Courtesy of Katherine Heigl

"I keep telling my friends, seriously, write down what you want and make it specific. Like I'm talking do you want a beach house in Venice? Be specific and be creative and define not only what you want in your career but what you want in your personal life."

BW are conditioned to not have expectations and are therefore conditioned to not be able to articulate what it is that they want in life and in a partner. I ecourage you to really dig deep and think about what it is that you want and make your "Love List."

This Bare's Repeating

Interracial love and spice.....by Sara: Wow! --- and they call BW gold diggers!!!..........

This idea about gold digging and marrying up has been on my mind a lot this week. Sara has an excellent discussion on her blog about the racial and social constructs that go into BW dating and mating with powerful men of any race. Please take a moment to read it.

Other important reading from around the blogosphere:

Love Is The Last Thing You Need

Financial Security for Women

It's Officially 6 months into 2009- Some 1st Week of July Thoughts

Stop Looking Back At Sodom

Hollywood Is Fiction and Not Fact: Relationships Do Not Move At The Speed of Light

Click here if you can't see the above clip.

It's good to note that many screenplays and television shows are written and created by men.

Clip Set Up:

Dirty Sexy Money aired for one season on ABC in 2007. The show centered around a wealthy NYC family - the Darlings- with networth in the billionions (think the Trumps). Jeremey Darling (Seth Gabel), the youngest Darling, is trying to get Sofia (Sofia Vergara) to fall in love with him for him and not his money.

Hollywood's Reality:

A man only falls in love after having wild, passionate, no strings attached sex with a beautiful woman. Only then will he try everything in his power to woo and persue her and keep her interested in him.

Also in this reality women are wildly, sexually, aggressive often persuing men and giving up sex early in the relationship without any expectation or threat of becoming emotionally involved.

Actual Reality:

Men rarely continue to vigorously pursue a woman once he's "conquered" her easily and quickly in the relationship. He just continues to be nice enough to her so that he can continue to get sex.

Also women do become emotionally attached.

There is some truth in the premise of the above sketch- if you play hard to get to more intrigued he will become.

Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal and this post wouldn't be necessary but, people accept what they see on television and in the movies as reality.

Women Have Been Bamboozled: Things people say to make women settle

1. "All men cheat."

Not all men cheat. Men want women to believe that so if it should happen they won’t think that they have any other options in another mate. Women want other women to believe this becuase misery loves company.

2. "If a man has to wait too long for sex he'll eventually seek it out in other places."

Than he should go do that. If you're already bored in this relationship you probably weren't all that interested to begin with- and that's fine.

Think about this analogy: it takes your employer about 30-90 days to evaluate you and determine whether or not you're entitled to full benefits. Just sayin'.

3. Or the "Maybe if I got to know you better sexually I'd be more inclined to want a relationship with you."

Are we still in high school? I think that was the last time I heard that. Truly that's the mark of a highly juvenile, immature man.

4. "Freak your man to keep your man or he’ll find someone to do the things he wants you to do."

As author Maryann Reed states: you want to be with a man who wants to stay, not one you have to keep. If you have to fight to keep him, he wasn't ever yours to begin with. Yes, I think you should do the things your mate likes to pleasure him (as he should want to do the same for you), but it should come from a place of wanting to do those things, not from a place of desperation to hold on to something.

How to Be An Alpha Female | eHow.com

How to Be An Alpha Female | eHow.com

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The Need For Competition: Does It Work When Women Chase Men?

Current Bachelorette Jillian Harris

While at brunch this past weekend, a girlfriend of mine proposed a very interesting theory with regard to ABC's reality TV franchise "The Bachelor":

"Usually the guy {The Bachelor} will become so overwhelmed with all of the available women that he won't know to do. But when it's the other way around, since men are so competitive, they'll convince themselves that they're in love and will do anything to get the girl."

Interesting take on ABC's franchise, huh? I've been thinking about this all week.

The underpinning of this theory is that men want to be with the woman that other men want. Men will chase the woman that other men find desirable. Is Miss. Jillian the most attractive woman in the world? No. But does she have successful, good looking, men chasing her? Yes.

I get that this is a reality show and a lot of these people are just looking for their 15 minutes of fame. I also understand that you most likely are NOT going to find the love of your life on a reality show. I also recognize that in terms of marriages The Bachelor franchise has some pretty dismal stats with only one couple actually getting married, Trista and Ryan. BUT Trista was The Bachelorette who picked Ryan from a bevy of suitors.

That's why I don't like the idea that women should be chasing men and/or competing for men. It usually doesn't end well or in the woman's favor. That's also what I mean about gender and relationship roles being reversed.

Men have to chase you. You don't chase them.

Thanks for the link Crush'ed!