The more someone tells me I can't or am unable to do something the more it makes me want to do it.
To all of the sisters out there reading this, the next time a brother tells you:
1. It is disloyal to date a white (or non-black) man
2. A white man can't really love you
3. No black man will want you after you've been with a white man
or any variation of the theme, ask him the following three questions:
1. You have never dated a non-black woman?
2. Have you resigned yourself to only black women?
3. Do you cease to be friends or limit contact with friends and/or male relatives who have dated or married non-black women?
From my experience, the answer to at least one of the abovementioned questions will be NO!
Think about that.
Don't make life decisions based on what other people think is appropriate for you. They're not living your life and in all honesty, they have no interest or concern for your happiness.
Do what your heart tells you. Do what will make you happy, not what will satisfy everyone else.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
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I'm like this too :] The more people I come into contact with (male and female) are bothered by the fact that I date outside of my race, the more I want to do it. A large part of the reason why is because I think they're being silly and try to turn my dating non-black men into something it's not. Because really, my dating outside of my race is not THAT deep. It's not that big of a deal and they need to just calm down. I also feel like they often try to inflict their own prejudices, bigotry and issues onto me and in turn, bring me down. But if I had not realized this...
Don't make life decisions based on what other people think is appropriate for you. They're not living your life and in all honesty, they have no interest or concern for your happiness.
Do what your heart tells you. Do what will make you happy, not what will satisfy everyone else.
...I wouldn't have been able to tell those people to go 'head somewhere. That statement you made is something that took me a long time to realize, and it's so true! Most people really don't give a damn about YOU or YOUR happiness and well being. All they care about is their own. They're all about pressuring you into doing what THEY want so that THEY'LL feel more comfortable and won't have to face the issues they're trying desperately to avoid. Contrary to what seems to be popular belief in my situation, I'm not opposed to dating black men. But see, what these people don't get is that a long time ago, I removed the race factor and decided to just date men. The race of a particular man no longer has anything to do with my decision to date him. There's more to people than the color of their skin and it saddens me to think that there are so many people in the world who prevent themselves from forming amazing relationships with people of different races strictly because they're hung up on color. And this is just in general, not only with dating.
yes zabeth bm have been wholly unsuccesful in checking the brothers (thats if they ever wanted to) but they are still zealous about clipping bw wings. for the life of me, i wonder why some bw pay them any heed!
just to say the latina discussion was on BN Village, i think you can google it.
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/
i forgot to say its in the bm village section
http://dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/
Absolutely, Zabeth. When I was much younger in my teens and early twenties I suppressed my desires for non-black men. I kept it to myself and tried to be the sista who kept it real, I even played it like black men were the crème of the crop and no man could ever compare.
Deep down inside I knew I was full of sh**.
I desperately wanted approval from the black community. Nothing could cut so deep than being labeled not black enough, or race traitor. Being that I'm a very light-skinned woman, I had the extra burden of not being black enough. I would pray to God to make me darker so I could fit in and not be the object of resentment from others. I wanted to prove I was just as black as anybody else, and if I could achieve this, then I would be accepted, no questions asked.
It seems being light and female, you are not supposed to want to white men because of the unfair advantage of having your pick of the litter when it comes to black men. I’ve never felt totally comfortable with black men in general because too many of them were color struck. How did I know if they really liked me, or just wanted to be with some lighter woman as a status symbol? My anxiety got so bad that I had to force myself to compartmentalize my fear or it would have drove me insane. If I would have had a natural preference for black men I think I would still be tormented, but I don't. I will now date whoever I desire, whether he be white, Asian, or black.
Now that I'm a certain age, I can no longer suppress who I am. I am gravitating towards men I really want, and these days it is older white men. I have not dated one yet but I am now flirting, and I am catching the eyes of very attractive men. At work I am holding the interest of an Argentina and a black Caribbean male. I'm not going to pursue either one of them because I don't believe in dating in the work place, but I am using this as an opportunity for practice when the real deal comes and I actually want a relationship with a man.
Wow Phoenix! You often don’t hear the other side of being light skinned. Dark skinned girls are jealous of light skinned girls and wish they were lighter. Light skin girls wish they were darker to better fit in with the community. Wow! As someone who’s shade is kind of in the middle it’s difficult for me to relate to either side, but I can sympathize.
Nonetheless I am glad that BW are waking up to the hypocrisy and choosing partners based on the quality of man not the quality of his color.
IR marriages between BW and non-black men have nearly doubled while IR marriages between BM and non-black women have relatively plateaued. I think a lot of the anger and resentment BM are starting to feel is karma! I find it very ironic that they are now starting to say the same things that BW were saying 40 years ago in regard to IR dating. They faced very little competition from other men for BW; now that that is starting to change, many don’t know what to do or how to respond.
Black men frequently use "mind game" tactics to keep black women down it seems. They hold themselves to a much different standard.
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